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Mike White’s Redemption Plot: Greg’s Journey to Goodness “Eventually, There’s So Much to Love”
Fans of HBO’s The White Lotus have been shocked, delighted, and more than a little confused by Mike White’s latest creative move: an unexpected redemption arc for the notoriously insufferable character of Greg, played by actor Jon Gries. In the show’s third season, Greg—a character who has previously been known for his general incompetence, sleaziness,… Read more
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Mike White’s Redemption Plot: Greg’s Journey to Goodness “Eventually, There’s So Much to Love”
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Britney Deserved a Break, But Tate and Selena Are Fair Game for a Roast
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First Place Fling: Baton Stunt Officially Legal, and She’s Running the Show
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Outraged Mother Mortified by 9/11 Meme on Etsy, TikTok Users Fear She Might Open Their App Next
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Supreme Court Rules That Twitter Arguments Now Count as Legal Precedents
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LeBron James to Retire and Pursue Dream Career as Full-Time Instagram Influencer
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Oscars Introduces New Category: ‘Best Performance by an AI Voice Assistant in a Supporting Role’
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Walmart Introduces ‘Ultra-Premium’ Self-Checkout for Customers Who Miss Having Cashiers
BENTONVILLE, AR—Facing a tsunami of complaints about soulless shopping experiences, Walmart rolled out its bizarre new “Ultra-Premium” self-checkout lanes Tuesday that supposedly recreate human interaction for shoppers willing to fork over an extra $5.99 per transaction.
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New Dating App Matches People Based on Shared Hatred Instead of Compatibility
SAN FRANCISCO—Claiming they’ve finally cracked the code on what actually brings people together, tech startup Nemesis rolled out a dating app Tuesday that ditches traditional compatibility metrics in favor of matching users based entirely on the stuff they mutually despise.
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Man Proudly Announces He’s ‘Not Like Other Guys,’ Proceeds to Be Exactly Like Other Guys
PORTLAND, OR—Local dude Trevor Whitman spent an entire date Tuesday night insisting he’s “definitely not like other guys” while simultaneously checking every box on the basic-guy bingo card, sources who witnessed the train wreck confirmed.
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TSA Announces ‘Elite Traveler’ Lane for People Who Know How to Take Their Shoes Off Without Holding Up the Line
WASHINGTON—Fed up with watching travelers act like they’ve never encountered airport security before, the Transportation Security Administration rolled out plans Monday for a new “Elite Traveler” lane exclusively for passengers who can take their damn shoes off without treating it like some advanced calculus problem.
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Venmo Introduces ‘Breakup Mode’—Automatically Splits Everything You Ever Paid For
SAN FRANCISCO—In what’s either the most brilliant or most horrifying tech update of 2025, payment app Venmo rolled out a new “Breakup Mode” feature Tuesday that dredges up and demands payment for literally every single thing you ever paid for during your now-dead relationship.
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Greta Thunberg Partners with Oil Companies for ‘Guilt-Free Fossil Fuels’ Campaign
STOCKHOLM—In what environmentalists are calling the most bewildering career pivot since Al Gore launched that chain of private jet dealerships, climate activist Greta Thunberg shocked literally everyone Monday by announcing she’s teamed up with the world’s biggest oil companies to launch the “Guilt-Free Fossil Fuels” campaign, promising consumers they can now burn all the hydrocarbons…
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AOC: ‘In 100 Years, Your Great-Great-Grandchildren Will Be Doing Time for Your 2023 Tweet History
WASHINGTON—In a fiery speech that had audience members frantically deleting their social media accounts right there in their seats, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) warned Tuesday that future generations will face criminal prosecution for the online behavior of their ancestors, declaring that “in 100 years, your great-great-grandchildren will be doing hard time for your 2023 tweet…
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Larry Nassar Walks Free After Serving ‘Years’ of Prison Time in 30 Seconds of Programmed Jail Memories
WASHINGTON—In what victims are calling “the most obscene miscarriage of justice since Jeffrey Epstein got that sweetheart deal,” disgraced former USA Gymnastics doctor Larry Nassar was released from federal custody Tuesday after serving what authorities described as “the equivalent of 175 years” through just 30 seconds of artificially implanted prison memories.
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Disney World Launches New App Feature: ‘Wait Time Roulette’—Roll the Dice on How Long You’ll Actually Wait
ORLANDO, FL—In a move that Disney executives are somehow calling with straight faces “the most honest innovation in theme park history,” Walt Disney World Resort announced Monday the launch of a new feature on its mobile app called “Wait Time Roulette,” which allows guests to gamble on how long they’ll actually stand in line for…