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Mike White’s Redemption Plot: Greg’s Journey to Goodness “Eventually, There’s So Much to Love”
Fans of HBO’s The White Lotus have been shocked, delighted, and more than a little confused by Mike White’s latest creative move: an unexpected redemption arc for the notoriously insufferable character of Greg, played by actor Jon Gries. In the show’s third season, Greg—a character who has previously been known for his general incompetence, sleaziness,…
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Britney Deserved a Break, But Tate and Selena Are Fair Game for a Roast
In a stunning twist that has left the internet divided (but mostly laughing), Britney Spears, after years of public humiliation, personal struggles, and questionable Instagram posts, has finally earned herself a break from the unforgiving roasting machine. But—let’s be real—two pop stars are still very much in the crosshairs: Tate McRae and Selena Gomez.
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First Place Fling: Baton Stunt Officially Legal, and She’s Running the Show
SALT LAKE CITY, UT — In a move that has left the world of competitive track and field absolutely stunned, the controversial baton-flinging incident from last year’s regional relay race is now officially legal, and the young woman responsible for the act is being hailed as a trailblazer in the sport. What started as an…
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Outraged Mother Mortified by 9/11 Meme on Etsy, TikTok Users Fear She Might Open Their App Next
DES MOINES, IA –In a bizarre twist of fate that no one saw coming, Linda Carlson, a mother of three, has ignited a firestorm of outrage after discovering a 9/11 meme being sold on Etsy. As Carlson’s blood pressure skyrocketed, TikTok users began to panic—fearing she might turn her attention to their app next.
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Supreme Court Rules That Twitter Arguments Now Count as Legal Precedents
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a groundbreaking decision that has left legal scholars, internet trolls, and every single person who’s ever argued online scratching their heads, the U.S. Supreme Court has ruled that Twitter arguments will now be recognized as binding legal precedents. The decision, announced late Wednesday, has already begun to reshape the very nature…
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LeBron James to Retire and Pursue Dream Career as Full-Time Instagram Influencer
LOS ANGELES — In a move that has shocked the sports world, basketball legend LeBron James has announced he will retire from the NBA to fully pursue his “true passion” — being an Instagram influencer. After 20 years in the league and four NBA championships, James revealed today that he intends to leave behind the…
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Oscars Introduces New Category: ‘Best Performance by an AI Voice Assistant in a Supporting Role’
HOLLYWOOD — In a move that has left the entertainment industry scratching its collective head, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has announced the introduction of a new award category for the 2026 Oscars: Best Performance by an AI Voice Assistant in a Supporting Role.
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The Pope Says Only Wild Dogs Go To Heaven
VATICAN CITY—In a surprising clarification to years of theological confusion over whether animals have souls, Pope Francis announced Wednesday that while most domesticated pets are barred from the Kingdom of Heaven, wild dogs are the sole exception and will be granted eternal salvation.
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Jeffery Epstein Action Figures For Sale
NEW YORK—Causing a firestorm of outrage and morbid curiosity across the collectibles world, obscure toy manufacturer Twisted Nostalgia quietly released their new line of limited-edition Jeffrey Epstein action figures last Thursday, complete with removable prison jumpsuit and a miniature black book accessory that actually opens.
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“Starting a Church Has Been the Hardest Thing I’ve Ever Done—And I’ve Done a Lot”
Bonnie Blue, known for cultivating deep, personal connections with her devoted followers, has embarked on a new journey—one that requires faith, commitment, and an open mind. Her newly founded Sanctuary of Higher Understanding promises an intimate, one-on-one approach to enlightenment, with members already raving about the deeply fulfilling experiences she provides.
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Walmart Introduces ‘Ultra-Premium’ Self-Checkout for Customers Who Miss Having Cashiers
BENTONVILLE, AR—Facing a tsunami of complaints about soulless shopping experiences, Walmart rolled out its bizarre new “Ultra-Premium” self-checkout lanes Tuesday that supposedly recreate human interaction for shoppers willing to fork over an extra $5.99 per transaction.
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New Dating App Matches People Based on Shared Hatred Instead of Compatibility
SAN FRANCISCO—Claiming they’ve finally cracked the code on what actually brings people together, tech startup Nemesis rolled out a dating app Tuesday that ditches traditional compatibility metrics in favor of matching users based entirely on the stuff they mutually despise.
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Man Proudly Announces He’s ‘Not Like Other Guys,’ Proceeds to Be Exactly Like Other Guys
PORTLAND, OR—Local dude Trevor Whitman spent an entire date Tuesday night insisting he’s “definitely not like other guys” while simultaneously checking every box on the basic-guy bingo card, sources who witnessed the train wreck confirmed.
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TSA Announces ‘Elite Traveler’ Lane for People Who Know How to Take Their Shoes Off Without Holding Up the Line
WASHINGTON—Fed up with watching travelers act like they’ve never encountered airport security before, the Transportation Security Administration rolled out plans Monday for a new “Elite Traveler” lane exclusively for passengers who can take their damn shoes off without treating it like some advanced calculus problem.
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Venmo Introduces ‘Breakup Mode’—Automatically Splits Everything You Ever Paid For
SAN FRANCISCO—In what’s either the most brilliant or most horrifying tech update of 2025, payment app Venmo rolled out a new “Breakup Mode” feature Tuesday that dredges up and demands payment for literally every single thing you ever paid for during your now-dead relationship.