ORLANDO, FL—In a move that Disney executives are somehow calling with straight faces “the most honest innovation in theme park history,” Walt Disney World Resort announced Monday the launch of a new feature on its mobile app called “Wait Time Roulette,” which allows guests to gamble on how long they’ll actually stand in line for attractions instead of, you know, just telling them the truth.
“We’ve heard your feedback about our wait time estimates being wildly inaccurate—like, not even in the same zip code as reality—so we decided to lean into it instead of fixing anything,” said Disney Parks chairman Josh D’Amaro at a press conference where journalists were told it would be “just a 5-minute presentation” but lasted nearly two hours, which honestly should have been the first clue. “With Wait Time Roulette, we’re turning the frustration of unpredictable queues into an exciting game of chance that the whole family can enjoy while their feet swell, their sunscreen wears off, and their will to live slowly evaporates in the Florida heat.”
The new feature, which will be available via update to the My Disney Experience app next month (and will probably crash your phone at least three times a day), replaces traditional wait time estimates with a virtual slot machine that generates random wait times when spun. Users can then place virtual “bets” on how long they think they’ll actually wait, with winners receiving Disney+ subscription extensions and losers receiving push notifications of Mickey Mouse saying, “Aww, tough luck, pal!” in what several testers described as “a deeply unsettling tone.”
“It’s like Vegas, but instead of winning money, you win the knowledge that you correctly predicted how much of your $8,000 vacation would be spent standing in a switchback queue,” D’Amaro explained while demonstrating the feature on a giant screen that froze three times during the presentation and had to be restarted by an increasingly sweaty IT guy named Todd. “And let’s be honest, isn’t that worth more than money? No? Well, too bad.”
According to Disney’s internal data, which they were surprisingly forthcoming about after a Disney World executive accidentally left a PowerPoint open during a bathroom break, the app’s previous wait time estimates were accurate only about 30% of the time, with discrepancies ranging from “slightly off” to “criminally misleading” to “are you kidding me right now?” One infamous case involved a family from Nebraska who entered the queue for Avatar Flight of Passage when the app showed a 45-minute wait, only to emerge three hours later with sunburns, dehydration, and a newfound hatred for the color blue that required family therapy sessions.
“Our research shows that guests are actually happier when they have no idea how long they’ll be waiting rather than being given false hope,” said Melissa Chen, Disney’s newly appointed Chief Waiting Experience Officer, a position that apparently exists now. “With Wait Time Roulette, we’re gamifying disappointment, which is really what the theme park experience is all about. I mean, have you tried our food lately? Same concept.”
The feature includes several themed gambling options, including “Space Mountain Moonshot,” where wait times can suddenly multiply by factors of three without explanation, and “Splash Mountain Plunge,” where the estimated wait dramatically drops right before users reach the front of the line, only to be told the ride is temporarily closed for technical difficulties by a 19-year-old cast member who looks just as disappointed as you are.
Disney also announced a premium version of the feature called “Lightning Lane Lottery,” which allows guests to pay an additional $25 per person for a 1-in-6 chance of skipping the line entirely. If users lose, they’re automatically placed at the back of the standby queue and sent a notification that reads, “That’s show business, kid!” along with a coupon for 5% off a $24 turkey leg that’s been sitting under a heat lamp since yesterday.
Reaction from annual passholders has been mixed, with some praising Disney for finally acknowledging the inaccuracy of their wait time estimates, while others questioned why the company didn’t just fix the underlying problem, which one Disney representative called “adorably naive.”
“I appreciate the honesty, I guess?” said Jennifer Walters, a Disney Vacation Club member from Chicago who estimates she’s spent roughly 17% of her adult life in Disney queues. “At least now when I tell my kids we’ll be waiting for ‘just 20 more minutes’ for the fifth time, I can blame it on bad luck instead of poor operations management. My therapist says I need to stop lying to them, but she’s never tried to explain to a 6-year-old why we’ve been standing in the same spot for 45 minutes.”
Theme park industry experts have noted that the move is part of a larger trend of companies using gamification to distract from service issues that they have no intention of addressing. “It’s brilliant, really,” said theme park consultant Marcus Reynolds, who was speaking via Zoom because he was stuck in the Seven Dwarfs Mine Train queue while conducting the interview. “Instead of investing in infrastructure or hiring more staff to reduce actual wait times, they’ve found a way to make standing in line for two hours feel like entertainment. Next they’ll probably add loot boxes that might contain bathroom passes or the chance to sit down for five minutes without being trampled.”
At press time, Disney was reportedly developing additional app features, including “Dining Plan Poker,” where guests can gamble on whether their restaurant reservations will actually be honored or if they’ll be eating $27 Mickey-shaped pretzels for dinner again, and “Hotel Room Blackjack,” where visitors can bet on whether their room will be ready within three hours of the stated check-in time or if they’ll be napping on their luggage in the lobby while their kids watch Bluey on an iPad at maximum volume.
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