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Greta Thunberg Partners with Oil Companies for ‘Guilt-Free Fossil Fuels’ Campaign
STOCKHOLM—In what environmentalists are calling the most bewildering career pivot since Al Gore launched that chain of private jet dealerships, climate activist Greta Thunberg shocked literally everyone Monday by announcing she’s teamed up with the world’s biggest oil companies to launch the “Guilt-Free Fossil Fuels” campaign, promising consumers they can now burn all the hydrocarbons…
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AOC: ‘In 100 Years, Your Great-Great-Grandchildren Will Be Doing Time for Your 2023 Tweet History
WASHINGTON—In a fiery speech that had audience members frantically deleting their social media accounts right there in their seats, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) warned Tuesday that future generations will face criminal prosecution for the online behavior of their ancestors, declaring that “in 100 years, your great-great-grandchildren will be doing hard time for your 2023 tweet…
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Larry Nassar Walks Free After Serving ‘Years’ of Prison Time in 30 Seconds of Programmed Jail Memories
WASHINGTON—In what victims are calling “the most obscene miscarriage of justice since Jeffrey Epstein got that sweetheart deal,” disgraced former USA Gymnastics doctor Larry Nassar was released from federal custody Tuesday after serving what authorities described as “the equivalent of 175 years” through just 30 seconds of artificially implanted prison memories.
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Disney World Launches New App Feature: ‘Wait Time Roulette’—Roll the Dice on How Long You’ll Actually Wait
ORLANDO, FL—In a move that Disney executives are somehow calling with straight faces “the most honest innovation in theme park history,” Walt Disney World Resort announced Monday the launch of a new feature on its mobile app called “Wait Time Roulette,” which allows guests to gamble on how long they’ll actually stand in line for…
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Taylor Swift’s ‘Cross-Examine Me’ Hits Number One—Fans Wonder if It’s a Nod to Blake Lively’s Courtroom Battles
LOS ANGELES — Pop superstar Taylor Swift has once again dominated the charts with her latest single “Cross-Examine Me,” leaving fans in a frenzy trying to decode the lyrics that seem to reference legal proceedings nobody knew about.